Due to pregnancy losses, I’ve actually been pregnant more times than my four children would lead people to believe. Getting through the first trimester while working is different with each pregnancy, and varies from person to person and job to job, but I have found some strategies that were helpful across all of my pregnancies. Hopefully some of my tricks will work for you!
1.You Do Not Have to Tell Your Boss Right Away
It is so important to know that you do not have to tell your boss right away under most circumstances.
Deciding who and when to tell about your pregnancy is as individualized as you are. I cannot stress enough that this is your decision to make, along with your spouse or significant other. If you do not want to tell your job, friends, family, or strangers on the street about your pregnancy, great! Don’t discuss the inner workings of your body with anybody you don’t feel like sharing that information with. On the other hand, if you want to tell the world as soon as those two pink lines appear, go for it!
You are not required to tell your boss at the beginning of a pregnancy that you are pregnant. You are not required to tell your boss that you are pregnant at all, unless you want some maternity leave or need time off for doctor’s appointments (probably best to tell eventually).
Considerations for telling right away
The only real consideration I would give for whether or not you need to tell your boss right at the beginning is if you work in a job where not notifying work could result in harm to you or the baby. Radiology technicians, people working in factories or plants with chemicals that could be harmful, or other jobs in which just being at work in your normal duties could hurt you or the baby may require you to speak up earlier than you otherwise would.
My thoughts about when you should tell your boss
Although you do not have to tell your boss initially, I don’t think the boss should be the last to find out. Some people have different opinions, but if I’m going to take maternity leave and expect to be paid for some time off, I think my boss has the right to not be the last to hear about that plan. In my pregnancies, I told my secretary who I worked with daily and who suspected pretty early on every time. She was able to help cover for me if I had a sudden symptom, and so became my ally with keeping my news from clients and co-workers. But within a week of telling my secretary, I would tell my boss. I never confirmed anything to anyone at work—including my secretary—until I started showing or when I was sure this baby was going to stick. That way, I could tell my boss at when I was ready, which conveniently was within a week of confirming my secretary’s suspicions.
Another concern for not telling your boss first is I was always afraid my boss would hear from someone else. I think the person paying me deserves more respect than that. You know your relationship with your boss, and you know if your boss would want to hear it directly from you. Do what you believe is right.
Hiding Symptoms If You’re Not Telling During the First Trimester
If you’re not telling people about your pregnancy during the first trimester, that means you will likely go through three months of pregnancy (really about two and a half) with symptoms that you will want to hide. I get it. I did it. I’d like to help. The strategies and tips below work whether you are sharing or keeping your special news to yourself.
2. Morning Sickness
I only had morning sickness right away with one of my girls. It started even before I had a positive pregnancy test. With the others, I felt fine usually until about 6 or 7 weeks along. Then I’d have moments at work where I’d break out in a cold sweat and be absolutely positive I was about to throw up all over my desk while on this conference call.
Here’s the thing: Morning sickness is different for everybody. Figure out your body’s pattern. Usually there is a pattern—unless you’re one of the unlucky ladies who just has it all the time. During one of my pregnancies, I only got morning sickness in the mornings. I made sure I did not schedule any meetings or hearings in the mornings for those months, and prepared otherwise. During another pregnancy, I felt nauseated most of the day, but only got really bad when I was hungry. I kept lots of snacks with me and made sure I nibbled something at least every hour. Trial and error is the best teacher here. Just try different things and see what works.
Take a walk
Take a walk. It seems simple, but it can help. Get up, walk around. I don’t pretend to know the science behind it, but getting up and walking helps. Go to the restroom (you probably need to go anyway). Refill your water cup. Go check on a friend down the hall. Just get up and do something and see if it helps calm your stomach. Sometimes it will.
Find your Band-Aid
In a business or work environment, sometimes there are meetings or other times when you just can’t afford to be distracted by morning sickness. This is when your Band-Aid comes in. This isn’t about a long-term fix. This is about buying time to get to a point where you can use something that works a little better for a little longer. Something that you can use to buy yourself 10-20 minutes or so. Usually, that’s long enough to hear what you need to hear and say what you need to say before anybody thinks it is weird for you to need a break.
Try some really, really cold water. Crushed ice can be very helpful, although tremendously distracting to an audience and inhibits clear diction when speaking. I’d stick with crushed ice for those teleconferences that you can mute, but can’t walk away from.
Suck on a hard candies helps many women. They make hard ginger candy (you can find them in the baby aisle in most grocery stores or online). The Lifesaver mints that come in a roll were much more helpful to me than ginger ever was. I’d pop in a mint before a hearing or deposition and tuck it into my cheek and be able to stand upright and breathe normally for a good 20 minutes. Eventually, my gums and cheeks got tired of me shoving mints in there, but it would work for long enough to get through my hearing or deposition.
The miracle of citrus
For whatever reason, smelling citrus was a godsend for me working through the first trimester during every pregnancy. I had a few tricks with citrus that I spent years and several pregnancies honing. First, I’d get one of those squirt bottles of real lemon juice and keep it at my desk. I’d squirt a little lemon into my water every time I filled it. When a wave of nausea would come, I’d smell the water.
I know it sounds crazy, but people can’t tell if you’re smelling your water or drinking it. You don’t always feel like ingesting anything when you feel so terrible, so sometimes actually drinking water wasn’t doable. People don’t think anything is amiss if you have a cup to your mouth–even if it happens a lot during the day. Even if you hold it there a few seconds. Nobody is looking that closely to see if you’re drinking the water or just holding it up there. Do what you have to do.
A side benefit to the lemon juice in the water was it would cover up the smell and taste of any weirdness in your water. Every time I got pregnant, water would taste weird. A little lemon would fix that right up.
The other method was I’d bring an orange with me for a snack and keep it out on my desk. Sometimes, I’d pick up the orange and smell it. I might even peel a teeny bit off the orange to get the smell more potent so I could smell it without having to pick it up. Eventually, I might eat the orange when I was feeling better. Then I’d just fold the peel into a paper towel or put it in a coffee cup to pick up and smell when another wave of nausea hit.
Only my secretary ever figured out that the oranges on my desk meant I was pregnant. And that’s mostly because suddenly I was bringing oranges every day—which I had done the last time I was pregnant. It’s one of those tricks that can be a signal to people who know it…but it helps.
Essential oils
Finally, for babies three and four, I had been introduced to essential oils. I’m not a hippie who believes oils will heal a broken arm. But they can be helpful. I liked to put some lemon oil on the back of my neck and then also somewhere on my collar or even my shoulder, depending on my outfit. Again, I’d be able to smell it on my clothes, and it did help some to have it on my neck. Honestly, I think it helped more to have the smell on my clothes. But it’s worth a shot!
3. Constant Restroom Needs
The trick of picking up your cup and smelling it all the time will also help conceal your increased need for the restroom. Different women experience early pregnancy differently, as mentioned. Some women get insane diarrhea, others have increased urination, others have to go to the restroom to throw up due to morning sickness. At any rate, you’ll probably find yourself needing the restroom suddenly, and at different times than typical for you.
I always worked in an office where I had to walk past people to get to the restrooms. I had to walk past the SAME people to get to the restrooms. Those people noticed when instead of once or twice each morning or afternoon, I was walking by much more often, and with a much faster pace. One day of that, they assume you had some bad fish tacos somewhere. Two weeks of it, you’re pregnant. Being known for carrying around water, even excusing it with “trying to be healthier and increase your water intake,” gives you the perfect excuse and explanation for needing to run to the restroom at different times.
4. Fatigue
I had severe fatigue during each of my pregnancies. I would fall asleep standing up in the shower in the mornings. If I stopped moving for too long, I’d fall asleep. If I was too warm, I’d fall asleep. I’d fall asleep mid-conversation. It’s okay to be tired. The hormone changes happening during those first months are intense, and your body is building another person.
What’s NOT okay is falling asleep on the job. I’m not going to say it never happened. I definitely woke up at my desk more times than I’d like to admit. But I found ways to help myself stay awake. The snacks mentioned above were tremendously helpful. They’d pep me up, and the action of eating would keep me awake. Drinking ice cold water would wake me up for a minute. Getting up and taking a walk helped. Most of the things that were helpful for morning sickness also helped with fatigue.
Take a nap
My favorite trick, though, is to find a way to take a nap. In the office I worked in for my first two pregnancies, I could close my door and be hidden from everyone. I also had a loveseat in that office. I would bring my lunch to work, close my door, eat and then use the rest of the lunch hour to nap curled up on that loveseat. It worked wonders for the rest of my day.
My office during my third and fourth pregnancies was a glass fishbowl office. Not so handy for closing the door for privacy. I’d still bring my lunch, but I’d bring something I could leave in my car. I would go to my car, as if I was leaving for lunch every day. I’d eat and then lean the seat back and take a nap in my car in the parking garage. Not glamorous, but tremendously effective. Most full-time jobs give you a lunch hour. If you can’t get through the day without a nap, like I couldn’t, take your lunch hour and nap. Even 15 or 20 minutes can help.
5. Early Pregnancy Bloat
This is one of life’s real cruelties. Many women get severe bloat early in their pregnancies. I did. Every. Single. Time. I’d spend the first two months of pregnancy looking about four months pregnant, and then when I was ready to start telling people, the bloat would go away and I’d look normal again! But the bloat is an issue because it can be a daily thing.
Normally, if you bloat for your period or after a heavy meal, nobody really notices because it’s gone the next day. When your clothes fit tight every day, and you look uncomfortable because your waistband is cutting into you, people notice. If that’s not your goal, then I suggest you try a few things with your clothes.
- Wear elastic waistbands if you have them.
If you don’t have elastic waistbands, go ahead and find some cheap ones on thredup.com or Goodwill or another used clothing store. These clothes are an investment because they will not be only used working through the first trimester. The more comfortable clothes I wore early in pregnancy were also my work wardrobe for after the baby was born while waiting for my belly to go back down. Having work-appropriate clothes ready to return from maternity leave with is helpful, especially if it has been a while since you wore them. It can feel very freeing to wear non-maternity clothes when going back to work–even if they have elastic waistbands.
I found it easier to get skirts with elastic waistbands than pants, but Old Navy maternity and Motherhood Maternity sell some work and casual pants and shorts that have normal-looking waistbands but they have hidden elastic panels in them for comfort. I had some of both brands that served me well through several pregnancies.
- Use the old rubber band on the pants button trick
You can wear your normal pants, but if the waistband feels too tight, you can hook a rubber band through the button hole and hook the rubber band ends on the button of your pants. This obviously only works if you are wearing pants with a button, and also if you do not have your shirt tucked in. But it is effective to get the most wear out of your normal clothes while keeping you comfy.
- Long lines cover a myriad of bloat and shape changes
The best trick I found, in conjunction with the two above, was to wear long lines on top and bottom. Any post you’ve ever seen online to help an “apple” shape, or to disguise a belly will include this concept. Wearing structured jackets and cardigans which will leave only about a three- or four-inch section of your torso visible, while wearing nice, long, pants which blend to your pointed toe shoe will make you look longer and leaner. You don’t want any shirts that end directly below your bloat, or above it. But if you wear a shirt that you can tuck in to your pants, bloused out on the bottom, and then a cardigan or jacket on top, it buys you time before people notice.
The key to this technique is to be sure that your jacket or cardigan is a flattering length. If the cardigan or jacket hit right at your bloat line, it will bring attention to it. I recommend mid-thigh length cardigans, or cardigans or blazers that end just above the widest part of your hip. You want to leave the image of an hourglass figure—it distracts from the front-facing bloat. You also want to have a clean, long line on your torso–which will also distract from the bloat.
- Do NOT Switch to Baggy Clothes Suddenly
One of the fastest signals of “I’m pregnant” is a sudden wardrobe change to baggy or unusually flowy clothes. You might think that baggy clothes will hide your bloat. They do, but only because they also swallow the rest of you up. Now you just look nauseous, tired, and like pre-teen trying to work out your style while hiding your changing body.
The goal is to continue to look like yourself, but maybe adding a cardigan or jacket. Very few people wear baggy clothes to work regularly. A sudden change to baggy will cue Nosy Nancy to start asking questions and spreading rumors you don’t need.
If you ARE telling people at work, then don’t switch to baggy clothes just because that’s all that fits right now. Go ahead and invest in some maternity clothes with forgiving waistlines, and work that pregnancy, girl! You only get to wear maternity clothes without feeling guilty for nine months at a time. No need to worry about overdoing it!
This particular strategy is also great for finding outfits that will be your go-to when you got back to work after maternity leave. Finding things that make you feel attractive and confident now when you’re excited about the baby coming will be invaluable to helping you feel attractive and confident going back to work when your belly is still bigger than you might like and you have loose skin.
6. Go Ahead and Celebrate!
Whether you choose to tell the world, a select few, or nobody at all, I hope you find ways to celebrate this time. Hopefully some of the strategies above help you get through your first trimester while working, whether you are openly sharing your news or keeping it quiet. There are many exciting times during the first trimester–that first ultrasound where you get to hear the heartbeat, telling someone your news for the first time, walking around in public knowing you have a secret inside…It is such a special time when you are carrying a baby. Find ways to celebrate it!
Do you have any tips or tricks that helped you get through your first trimester while working? I’d love to hear any ideas or questions below!
If you like this, see my post about finding good childcare for your baby.